While this probably would be a better subject for a Facebook note, I don’t want to unnecessarily stir some people I consider friends (at least to some degree).
I’ve been wondering for a long time what would be the most annoying type of Facebook posters, and here is my categories v. 1.
(Note: these are not yet in the final order. So for that there will be probably a later version)
1. Emo “Life sucks” “My work sucks” “No one understands me” “Pity me”.
2. Breeder – every post is about their offspring. “My kid just had a poop” “My kid is so smart” “My kid blah blah”.
Note: emo and breeder occasionally happen in the same person. It can be hard to decide if to say anything when the friend with usually breedertastic updates goes suddenly to emo mode “so apparently having a sprog is a dude/chick repellant, no one wants to hang out with a chick/dude who has a sprig”. Well…
3. Twitterer – every post is a twitter status. Triple annoying for every #trending topics word in the status. “#my #facebook #status #updates #are #so #cool!”
4. Farmville – those whose every single update is about some Zynga (or any other Facebook) game “I’m on level 4 in poopville! Come wipe my pooper” “Come play Whateverville or poker with me! Fertilize my crops! I just reached level N+1”.
5. Pity me – see emo. Usually with more adult type of drama, or health issues. “My life sucks more than yours” “So I got like $ 900 more to pay, thanks IRS”.
6. Breeder-to-be – status updates include scans of the yet-to-be-released offspring. “Here’s Sprogleigh on week 3 scan” “zomfg!!1 We’re so preggers” “Sprogleigh makes my legs so swollen & other TMI”. After the release of the kid, this type usually turns to Breeder, see above. Most however stay in the breeder stage only for a few months (until the novelty wears off, and the cuteness probably weights less than the hungry wakeups 24 7).
7. The One Who Adds All Your Friends – double creep points if the person doing that is your mum/dad/other relative of the same category/your ex/someone significantly older than you.
8. The Famous – doesn’t matter if he or she is, they surely are full of Facebook Drama.
See also Friend Collector.
9. Friendlist Drama Queen – those who keep adding and removing people constantly, without apparent reasons. I guess that would be one of the signs of having OCD.
10. Friend Collector – those who are not as famous as Anthony Bourdain or Guy Kawasaki but who keep harvesting friends – thousands of friends that they don’t know. Double points if The Famous/Friend Collector keeps recommending you add Some Chick you surely don’t know
11. Some Chick/Some Dude – some person with a hot looking photograph and apparently interesting hobbies etc that appears first in the friendliest of Friend Collector or The Famous, then creeps up to the friendlists of multiple friends of yours. None of which have met Some Chick or Some Dude because they live somewhere they have never even been to.
12. Stupid Fake Name – this would be all those Jen In Facebook, Firstname Lastname combinations that are just weird inventions. Fine, I do understand the need to sometimes have a separate account with a fake name, or to hide under some random name, but if you add someone, please tell who the hell you are in the real life. How exactly do I know you? If I have no clue who you are, you are just Some Chick, and I’m not going to add you, ever.
13. Super Sporty person – those who do constant updates about how much they have run. Great if they are really runners and actually sporty, but for some reason all my friends that do any sport more seriously, don’t bother to status update how much they’ve run. It just feels odd to see multiple weekly updates when the Super Sporty was previously (aka in Real Life) known as the Smoking Couchpotato.
14. Suburbia Ranter – this type has strong political views, sees him/herself as a liberal, but has surprisingly conservative views, and lives in the Honky Suburbia. Suburbia Ranter gets annoyed by the people tweeting when they drive, the sprogs running amok in Walmart, Target or some similar place, and has habitual political posts that are also supposed to be ah-so-liberal. This type seems to call for the inner Conservative-Basher in many people that have made a conscious decision to not live in Honky Breederville. As a difference to emo, Suburbia Ranter is annoyed by the political issues, other people’s offspring etc, whereas emo’s annoyances are anyone and anything that is against him/her (so way more a teenager attitude than Suburbia’s).
15. Compulsive Liker and Compulsive Commenter – sometimes the Liker is also a The One Who Adds All Your Friends.
16. Link Poster – lots and lots of links. Double creep points if every digg, tweet, delicious, flickr, tumblr, goodreads and everything else social ends in the links.
17. Wall Spammer – some friends just shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near your wall.
18. Failbooker – the one whose posts and updates belong in failbook. Well – too funny to unfriend.
19. Only Some Weird Language – so you live in a country where they speak language X, and most of your friends speak language X. All the posts are however in language Y…. learn to create some groups. People who might understand what you say might like to read what you say, not those to whom it’s all Greek (or Finnish).
20. Creep Otherwise Not Specified – those who just creep for some reason, but you can’t put a finger on it. Maybe they make you wonder if they are a serial killer or something.
Did I forget any important category?
I guess The Activist could be annoying too, if the only things he or she ever posts are for some political/animal/health/whatever cause they have strong opinions about (and nothing else to say). But I don’t think I’ve seen that many Activists that they’d start to annoy. Many have some things they are passionate about, and to mention it once in a while is OK, just not daily. Wait, The Activists that are way too passionate about everything tend to kind of go under the ignore, so I guess I’ll have to add them after all;
21. The Activist – constant posts about the subjects the poster is passionate about. Breastfeeding, vaccinations, religion… double points for any 3 or more items that are controversial or usually feed the trolls in the internet.
22. Repost On Your Wall if… you like this status. Some smart and made up quotes that they copied from their friend who copied it from their friend. I guess in the real life these people were the ones falling for the chain mails. Well, once every now and then it’s fine to have such a status, but not when it’s habitually
23. Bless You – most updates are how Jebus loves you or how Dog this-and/or-that. Oh please create a filter, and show your jebusness to only those who you know are interested in your type of religion. Religion is like underwear – I don’t want to see what you are wearing. Or like a penis – it’s ok to have one, just have other interests in life than playing with yours too, and please don’t shovel it to the throats of young people. Oh, and all the mazel tovs count in this category too. Anything religious as long as it’s the daily and constant, primary content of the updates.
By the way, all those categorizations above are based on multiple people. So there are more than one Sporty, more than one Breeder, more than one of practically any of them (and combined).