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Dear People in TV Commercials, part 1

I admit, I like watching TV ads – sometimes. But there are only a few really enjoyable ones. Some are just bad, and some are WTF, and some I’d like to ask something.

Hey, Great Driver, who is insured by some Hauer Company, who gets the snapshot discount offeres by (auntie) Flo in Progressive commercial. If you are such a great driver, why is your buddy, who you admit is a horrible driver, driving you around?

Hey screaming couple who didn’t know what they were doing when they were in a Lowe’s last year’s commercial, I mean bought a house and were in a Lowe’s commercial and then screamed a lot during it. Did you know I can’t go to Lowe’s because your ad gives me creeps? Even now that it’s been replaced by a less crazy couple who didn’t go insane or start screaming when they bought their house. Thanks to your commercial, I shop at Home Depot.

Hey Whataburger dude. I really hate your voice. And no, “burgers as you like” is not for all. I, for instance, don’t like any burgers, nor do I like your way of pronouncing the “hhhwataburger”.

Dear car salesmen in car commercials. Please quit using the hands the way you do. Just because your teacher taught that it shows honesty when you keep the hands visible, don’t massage them, don’t put them in your pockets, and don’t touch your face, does not mean that I find you credible. If I see anyone use their hands like you guys, I either consider them creeps, or don’t trust them for whatever business I’m supposed to do with them.

Dear breeders in “Corn Sugar” commercials. Call it as you like, but it’s still HFCS. Your body can’t tell the difference? Mine can. My taste buds can too. And guess what? I make even my own ketchup just because that HFCS crap is everywhere.

Dear dude in Dial commercial. If you like smelling like dirt, why do you bother to wash up? Oh wait, is the point of Dial that it makes you stinky and dirty? Oh I get it now.

Dear people making ads for light beer, please start to use other demographics than just white men worried about the calories. Are you trying to encourage men to worry about the calories in beer? Newsflash: most female anorexics don’t count the calories in alcohol, and they stick to clear stuff such as vodka and rum.

Dear Directv, are you trying to market your product only to the Russians?

Dear Outback Roadhouse, is your food as “authenticly” Australian as the accent in your ads?

In 15 minutes or less, 15 % of you could be wondering why you are buying your car insurance from a gecko with a fake British accent.

Dear idiots who made the Above The Influence ads, do you realize how many of your ads just fail? I hate especially this type of parents (and offspring).

Anyway, one thing I like doing when I visit other countries is to watch some TV ads (if I end up watching any TV at all that is). They often tell more about the people, time, and culture than the same soaps that you can watch across the globe.

My current favorite character in TV ads would still have to be the Old Spice man.

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